making a list

and checking things off.
i am roman catholic.  so for lent i am giving up procrastination.  it's been hard!  i definitely have been living my life as a person who puts things off.  sometimes it's not too detrimental and other times it infuriates those close to me and myself.  but i am not a drug addict or an alcoholic so procrastination has become my vice and until it started affecting other people's lives did i realize what a nasty habit i have. 
it's like watching yourself on tv and knowing that you don't want to be this person, feeling like you are a completely different person than you thought you would be or could be - i could be better.

recently i had an intervention, my friends and family gathered in a room and one by one told me about everytime i had disappointed them with my selfish, reckless procrastinating behavior. it was horrible, i keep seeing images of them in tears, my aunt brought all of her dead plants, it was torturous.
just kidding, none of that happened

but something did happen with one of my best friends and it wasn't really horrifying, but it was totally disappointing and she was 100% right and that was when i realized that what i do does affect those i care about.  i am not interested in being one of those people who have ridiculous expectations of not only the people around them, but themselves as well. the problem there is that you can't control everything and everyone around you so you are only setting yourself up for disappointment.  you can plan out your day, week, month and life minute by minute and there are going to be obstacles thrown at you.  you can almost see these people's veins popping and hear the explosions going off in their brains.  that is no way to live either.  constantly fighting to keep what you think is "order".

but i admire them as well. for their determination to keep organized and in line.  there really isn't anything wrong with it until it consumes them.  there could be a happy medium between them and i.
as i start checking things off my list that have been hanging over my head for months i do feel happier.